bracketolitus
::: bracketolitus marchus (more commonly known as "march madness")...it's a brief but intense condition that every march affects millions of americans...the symptoms are hard to ignore (e.g., superstitious behavior, uncontrollable pacing, yelling at electronic devices, heavy consumption of corn syrup-based products, etc.), but getting inside the mind of someone with serious bracketolitus is hard to come by...
...for those who are on the front lines of battling bracketolitus, the following email -- written by a close friend -- who, as a fellow ucla alum, has a particularly devastating case of bracketolitus -- is a first-hand account of its effect on otherwise normal humans and further promises to be a significant contribution to the health care community (since the condition's swoon is hitting its apex in the coming week) :::
5:00 PM: Riding the subway home, I start getting the shivers and aches in the joints. I think to myself, "Of all the days to get sick! I have to stay awake until at least midnight tonight to watch the game."
6:00 PM: I get home and I start shivering uncontrollably, even with many layers of clothes and the heater on full blast.
7:00 PM: After taking a double dosage of maximum strength Tylenol and rolling up my body like an armadillo underneath the comforter for an hour, I finally start warming up.
7:30 PM: I go down to the living room to watch the LSU-Duke game. My body starts burning up. I check my temperature and it's 103 degrees. Yikes! So I shed my clothes and call my wife (who was out shopping with her mom) and tell her that I'm sick. Hoping for sympathy, I'm offered none. Apparently, she's still upset over what I said to her the night before. She'll be back in a couple of hours, maybe. Sighh…
8:00 PM: Sensing that the only thing that was going to offer solace that night was a Bruin victory over Gonzaga. I put on my UCLA jersey with #24 on it - Jason Kapono's.
9:30 PM: LSU beats Duke. I'm very happy. Still burning up.
9:45 PM: My wife and her mom finally come home. I tell them that my temperature was 103. My mother-in-law, being an ex-nurse, is quite concerned. I take another temperature reading and it reads 101.5. Not bad. She tells me to take more Tylenol and go right to bed. I just shake my head and look at her as if she's crazy. My wife yells from the next room, "He's going to stay up and watch basketball." My mother-in-law goes to bed probably thinking, "I got an idiot for a son-in-law."
10:25 PM: Almost immediately, UCLA is down by 9 points. I'm thinking, "Perhaps this jersey is jinxing them."
11:00 PM: It's halftime and they're down by 13 points. Convinced that this jersey from the dark era of UCLA basketball is sending negative energy toward the TV screen, I take it off and throw it into the closet.
11:15 PM: Second half starts. I put the jersey back on. I apologize to Jason Kapono. I drink a large glass of Diet Coke to keep myself alert.
11:45 PM: They start making a slow but deliberate comeback. I'm starting to get nervous. I pace back and forth behind the couch. During timeouts, I start cleaning up and putting things away. I'm not sure why.
12:15 AM: Bruins steal the ball, make the layup, and complete their comeback. [Adam] Morrison is crying. I'm pumping my fist and screaming silently. My wife and her mom are soundly sleeping upstairs.
12:16 AM: I rewind the second half and start watching it all over again. I love DVR.
1:15 AM: I turn the TV off, make sure I save the recording, and go up to bed. I'm way too pumped up to fall asleep, even at this hour.
1:16 AM: I fall asleep.It's not easy being a UCLA fan on the east coast.
...for those who are on the front lines of battling bracketolitus, the following email -- written by a close friend -- who, as a fellow ucla alum, has a particularly devastating case of bracketolitus -- is a first-hand account of its effect on otherwise normal humans and further promises to be a significant contribution to the health care community (since the condition's swoon is hitting its apex in the coming week) :::
5:00 PM: Riding the subway home, I start getting the shivers and aches in the joints. I think to myself, "Of all the days to get sick! I have to stay awake until at least midnight tonight to watch the game."
6:00 PM: I get home and I start shivering uncontrollably, even with many layers of clothes and the heater on full blast.
7:00 PM: After taking a double dosage of maximum strength Tylenol and rolling up my body like an armadillo underneath the comforter for an hour, I finally start warming up.
7:30 PM: I go down to the living room to watch the LSU-Duke game. My body starts burning up. I check my temperature and it's 103 degrees. Yikes! So I shed my clothes and call my wife (who was out shopping with her mom) and tell her that I'm sick. Hoping for sympathy, I'm offered none. Apparently, she's still upset over what I said to her the night before. She'll be back in a couple of hours, maybe. Sighh…
8:00 PM: Sensing that the only thing that was going to offer solace that night was a Bruin victory over Gonzaga. I put on my UCLA jersey with #24 on it - Jason Kapono's.
9:30 PM: LSU beats Duke. I'm very happy. Still burning up.
9:45 PM: My wife and her mom finally come home. I tell them that my temperature was 103. My mother-in-law, being an ex-nurse, is quite concerned. I take another temperature reading and it reads 101.5. Not bad. She tells me to take more Tylenol and go right to bed. I just shake my head and look at her as if she's crazy. My wife yells from the next room, "He's going to stay up and watch basketball." My mother-in-law goes to bed probably thinking, "I got an idiot for a son-in-law."
10:25 PM: Almost immediately, UCLA is down by 9 points. I'm thinking, "Perhaps this jersey is jinxing them."
11:00 PM: It's halftime and they're down by 13 points. Convinced that this jersey from the dark era of UCLA basketball is sending negative energy toward the TV screen, I take it off and throw it into the closet.
11:15 PM: Second half starts. I put the jersey back on. I apologize to Jason Kapono. I drink a large glass of Diet Coke to keep myself alert.
11:45 PM: They start making a slow but deliberate comeback. I'm starting to get nervous. I pace back and forth behind the couch. During timeouts, I start cleaning up and putting things away. I'm not sure why.
12:15 AM: Bruins steal the ball, make the layup, and complete their comeback. [Adam] Morrison is crying. I'm pumping my fist and screaming silently. My wife and her mom are soundly sleeping upstairs.
12:16 AM: I rewind the second half and start watching it all over again. I love DVR.
1:15 AM: I turn the TV off, make sure I save the recording, and go up to bed. I'm way too pumped up to fall asleep, even at this hour.
1:16 AM: I fall asleep.It's not easy being a UCLA fan on the east coast.
posted by B & C at
11:37 AM
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